what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
