His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
