I puked a lego.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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