Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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