I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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