She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
