So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
