I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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