So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
