I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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