hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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