I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
