We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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