If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
