just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
