I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
