I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
