now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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