OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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