Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
