I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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