Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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