Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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