guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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