Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
