i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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