hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
