yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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