Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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