he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
