I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
handjob tips. give me some.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wear drunk well.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
