im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
