Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
