Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
