his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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