If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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