I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
