It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
