I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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