pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
