its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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