Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
