Yo dont text me then not text me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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