I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
