lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
