You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
