Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
