I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize