look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's blow job season.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
