Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is my gift to your gina
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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