this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
