It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
