So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
